Emotions are important inner signals that should help guide your actions and decisions in life. But instead many people have grown up believing emotions can be used to control people.
Whether you use;
- Anger to try and get your way with people,
- Sadness to try and make people feel sorry for you
- Guilt to try and move someone’s heart
These tactics are all called emotional manipulation.
This may include complaining about how hard you work, how much you do for people and how tired and lonely you feel. It may also include yelling at people or criticizing them to try and get them to do what you want them to.
This may work in the short term, but at a terrible cost. Because over time this will nourish hostility and resentment — not love and respect.
If you want to have influence with people and earn their love and respect – what you need is better negotiation and leadership skills.
These skills take time and practice – but are easy to learn if you make the decision to work on it.
The important thing to realize is that emotional manipulation is not effective in getting people to do what you want them to (including loving and caring for you) and instead will only breed resentment.
It is normal to feel angry when we are disrespected, but it is also very important to practice shutting this response off and waiting until we are completely calm before we decide what action we need to take setting boundaries so this does not happen again.
Likewise it is very important we learn to calm ourself when we are unhappy or upset – without needing other people to cheer us up or ‘keep us happy’. This is called self soothing and is vital to a healthy marriage.
Do you feel that your partner has stolen your happiness? Do you spend your life waiting for them to call? If so, please have a look at our very short tutorial titled 10 Steps to Overcome Codependence.
Or if you want to learn more about emotional manipulation and overcoming your anger – please check out our ebook Emotional Stupidity* or our full workbook of relationship building exercises The Love Safety Net Workbook*.
* Please don’t purchase these book yet (unless you are in a big hurry) because at the end of the quiz you will be offered an introductory special on these titles.
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