Emotions are important inner signals that should help guide your actions and decisions in life.
But instead many people have grown up believing that emotions can be used to control people.
Whether you use;
- anger to try and get your way with people,
- sadness to try and make people feel sorry for you
- or guilt to try and move someone’s heart,
these tactics are all called emotional manipulation.
The important thing to realize is that emotional manipulation is not effective in getting people to do what you want them to (including loving and caring for you) and instead will only breed resentment.
Do you use anger, sadness or guilt to try and make your family respect or love you more?
Think about it now for a moment and see if you can spot this bad habit in your own behaviour.
This may include complaining about how hard you work, how much you do for people and how tired and lonely you feel.
It may also include yelling at people to try and get them to do what you want them to.
This may work in the short term, but at a terrible cost. Because over time this will nourish hostility and resentment — not love and respect.
Because if you want to have influence with people and also earn their love and respect – what you need is better negotiation and leadership skills.
These skills take time and practice – but are easy to learn if you make the decision to work on it.
Likewise it is very important that you learn to calm yourself when you are unhappy or upset – without needing other people to cheer you up or ‘make you happy’. This is called self soothing and is vital to a healthy marriage.
Do you feel that your partner has stolen your happiness? Do you spend your life waiting for them to call? If so, please have a look at our very short tutorial titled 10 Steps to Overcome Codependence.
Or instead if you want to learn more about emotional manipulation and overcoming your anger – please check out our ebook Emotional Stupidity or our full workbook of relationship building exercises The Love Safety Net Workbook.